AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING WITH MY PET!!? HELP!?

You really should have thought about this before splurging on a pet! Shame on you! Pet rocks have feelings too! Since you got yourself into this, I will help. Pet rocks will never fully tame, but they can be taught to redirect their throwing ways in a more "constructive" manner. You can teach him to throw himself at your worst enemy for example. Oh yeah, please don't try to feed him any more gr... he is a ROCK! They only eat Cocoa Pebbles (or Fruity Pebbles are suitable as well).